


M'Lady

by ColourMyGalaxies



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, My First Fanfic, Original Character(s), Rated T for Mondo swearing, Social Justice Warrior Mahiru, and fedoras, ishimondo - Freeform, mention of leosaya, oh god the fedoras
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 14:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3491180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColourMyGalaxies/pseuds/ColourMyGalaxies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oowada Mondo was a dumbass, but he had just enough brain cells to know that he had to stop Ishimaru Kiyotaka from wearing that fedora... or from growing a neck beard... or from eating Doritos and drinking Mountain Dew... ESPECIALLY from calling himself a 'nice guy' and addressing women as "M'Lady." But will he able to, or will Ishimaru turn into a typical fedora-tipping fat beta male?</p>
            </blockquote>





	M'Lady

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what inspired me to write this. I was just minding my own business, then all of a sudden this ridiculous thought pops up in my head out of nowhere. "What if Ishimaru took a liking to fedoras, and Oowada, knowing the reputation of men who wears fedoras (socially inept beta men), tried to stop him? Plot twist, what if Ishimaru totally rocked fedoras?" And so, this outrageously stupid fic was born.

Ishimaru Kiyotaka and Oowada Mondo becoming friends should have been impossible. Nevertheless, it somehow happened, perhaps by chance, a miracle, or by destiny. The SHSL disciplinary committee member and the SHSL biker gang leader got along quite well, actually, to the amazement of all their peers. Despite their evident contrast with one another, their strikingly similar senses of stubbornness, determination, and the fact that they both endured hardships throughout their lives synchronized perfectly. They were like brothers from different mothers. 

Oowada Mondo developing a crush on Ishimaru Kiyotaka should have been impossible, too. Nevertheless, it somehow happened, but this time, Mondo had no fucking clue why it could have happened. Maybe it was the way Kiyotaka looked so at peace while he was studying; his pale and slender fingers trailing over the page of a textbook. Maybe it was the way Mondo could see galaxies filled with twinkling stars as he stared longingly into Kiyotaka's big and beautiful red eyes. Maybe it was how much he had to tilt his chin to look up at Mondo, how adorable he looked when he was angry - his eyebrows furrowing, his chest puffed up to make up for the 4.5-inch height difference between the two bros, how adorable his toothy smile was, how adorable his boisterous laugh was--

Yes, Mondo was irrevocably and definitely head-over-heels for Kiyotaka.  _Full homo._

So it wasn't a surprise that Mondo was ecstatic when Kiyotaka agreed to hang out with him and do something  _other_ than studying. It wasn't a date, but it was pretty damn close, since they were going out to eat (on a non-school night, obviously). Traditional Japanese food, of course, since Kiyotaka insisted that "keeping a staple diet is essential to a healthy lifestyle." Normally, Mondo would have berated the nerd, but they had decided on having sushi, which he fucking loved, so he was okay with it.

Presently, Mondo was in front of Kiyotaka's dorm to pick him up for their  ~~date~~  plans together. He was, of course, in his usual wifebeater, baggy pants, and Crazy Diamonds jacket. He rapped his knuckles on the door and waited.

When the door swung open, Mondo could only stare at his kyoudai in bewilderment. For perched atop of Kiyotaka's head was a white fedora with a pink sash.

"Ishimaru..." Mondo spat, lilac eyes twitching, "The hell're you wearing?"

"Kyoudai!" Kiyotaka beamed, "This is apparently known as a 'fedora'! I have taken an immense liking to it, as I have never seen anything as classy as this hat! Do you not agree?"

Mondo did not agree. He knew what kind of scumbags wore fedoras. "Kyoudai, take that stupid hat off right now."

Kiyotaka knitted his eyebrows and replied, "I see no reason to comply. I like this hat."

"God damnit, don't you see, kyoudai? Only betafags wear fedoras. I can't be seen with a betafag! It's just--" Mondo stopped speaking when he saw tears forming in his crush's eyes. "Fuck! No, Ishi, please don't cry, I didn't mean it... I... shit! Uh... you can wear the fedora to dinner..."

The shorter boy's face practically lit up with joy. "Really? Then what are we waiting for?" He grabbed Mondo's wrist and shouted, "Let us depart for the restaurant posthaste!" Mondo groaned. Kiyotaka was going to be taken for a fool! A socially impaired beta man who called himself a "nice guy"! 

Or so he thought.

As the pair briskly walked towards the sushi restaurant (Kiyotaka refused to let Mondo take them to their destination on his bike, screaming nonsense about how it was an "insensible death machine on wheels"), Mondo noticed that, just as he feared, people stared at Kiyotaka as they passed by. He knew it! Kiyotaka was being judged and ridiculed for wearing that stupid fedora. If only he had successfully stopped his bro from embarrassing himself, if only the dork had a better fashion sense, if only-

His pitiful  ~~ _mondo_ logue~~ monologue was interrupted by two girls giggling.

"Hey, look at the guy in the fedora, doesn't he look so yummy?" 

What.

"Mm, yeah, he just looks so classy and hot. I love a man who can dress himself up." _  
_

**What.**

Was the biker gang leader becoming deaf after all that motorcycle riding? Had he heard wrong? Mondo whipped around to gawk at the fedora-donning boy. Kiyotaka soon noticed that he was being stared at and inquired with a frown,

"Kyoudai? What seems to be the matter? We are already at the restaurant!"

Sure enough, the two high school students had arrived. Mondo opened the door for Kiyotaka, who smiled up at him and tipped his fedora.

Mondo nearly slammed the door, right after opening it, onto the fedora-tipping ass' face.

Immediately upon entering, they heard a familiar chirpy voice.

"Oo la la~! Love is in the air!"

Hanamura Teruteru strolled in to escort Kiyotaka and Mondo. The cook was partaking in Hope's Peak's co-op program, an opportunity for 3rd year students to gain hands-on work experience relative to their field of expertise. As Mondo and Teruteru were "bachelor buddies" (meaning they complained about being single to one another), Mondo talked to him enough to know that although the midget was the SHSL Cook, he had wanted to perfect his sushi-making since his specialty was diner food and foreign cuisine. So here he was, on an internship at a sushi restaurant, ready to serve the SHSL disciplinary committee member and SHSL biker gang leader. The latter growled,

"Fuck off, Teru, the two of us ain't dating!" 

"Kyoudai!" Kiyotaka gasped, "Language! And that is no way to address your sempai!"

Teruteru giggled. "No worries... Ishimaru, was it?" A stream of blood trickled from his left nostril. "You sure are looking... delicious... in that... delightfully tasteful hat."

Kiyotaka quirked a single eyebrow accompanied by an "Um..." as Mondo slapped a palm to his face. He sputtered, "Just give us a damn table for two, midget..."

"R-Right this way!" shrilled Teruteru. He frantically scurried forward and Kiyotaka and Mondo nearly had to jog to keep up. They were seated at the back of the restaurant. 

"Your server will arrive shortly. Enjoy your meal!" Teruteru recited the typical restaurant escort lines flawlessly.

"Thank you, Hanamura-sempai!" Kiyotaka said.

"Oh, no problem," the cook winked and slipped a piece of paper towards his underclassman. "I really do think you look marvelous in that fedora... feel free to hit me up." With that, he spun around and waltzed away.

Mondo rubbed his temples and thought,  _It's okay, only a creep like Teru would find fedoras in attractive... only Teru... only Teru..._

As they waited, Mondo took the opportunity to ask Kiyotaka about his new hat.

"So... kyoudai?" he asked, "Why'd you get a fedora, anyway?"

"Well," Kiyotaka spoke, "You always did say that I should add other articles of clothing to my admittedly limited wardrobe, so I followed your advice!" He chuckled softly.

"Ah, um, I don't mean t'be rude, but I know you ain't got a lot of cash, so where'd ya get the hat?"

"Rest assured, I would not waste precious money on my own personal indulgences," Kiyotaka asserted, "Quite frankly, I found this amongst my late grandfather's possessions. It was stored away and I pleaded with my parents to let me keep it. I finally got the chance to wear it tonight, as hats are a violation to the school dress code. That is the full story."

After a minute of small talk, their waitress arrived. She had pastel-coloured hair, black-rimmed glasses, and an eyebrow piercing. She smiled.

"Good evening, I'm Yukino Shiori, and I'll be your waitress tonight," she said, "Would you like to start off with some drinks?"

As both of them politely denied drinks other than tea then ordered food, Mondo grudgingly noticed that their waitress kept glancing over at Kiyotaka. The dim lighting of the restaurant made it hard to tell, but he could swear that she was blushing. 

Mondo decided to test his observation. "Hey, Yukino, before ya go, d'ya like my friend o'er there?" He pointed at Kiyotaka's fedora, and yup, the waitress' face definitely flushed a deep crimson.

"I...! Um..." She stammered, "I don't mean to be rude to customers... but... YES! I THINK HE IS VERY ATTRACTIVE ESPECIALLY IN THAT FEDORA HE'S SO HOT OH GOD I'M SORRY I'LL GET YOUR MEALS!!" She swiped their menus away and scampered off.

So much for thinking that only a creeper like Hanamura Teruteru could find fedoras "hot". 

*Day 2 of Kiyotaka's fedora phase*

The next day, even though it was a Saturday, Kiyotaka was patrolling the corridors of Hope's Peak. Knowing this, Mondo casually searched the school for his crush when he could have been hanging out with his gang over the weekend. He finally found his target in the hallway outside of the physics lab. To his horror, Kiyotaka was still wearing the fedora. Plus, he was holding a bag of Doritos and a bottle of Mountain Dew in his hands. Mondo stormed over to the idiot.

He growled, "Kyoudai, the fuck is this shit."

He received a glare for his outburst. And a response. "I understand that it is outside of school hours, but please refrain from such crude language, kyoudai."

"No, but seriously," Mondo replied, "First, the fedora, and now you suddenly like junk food?"

"Heavens, no! You know I would never subject to such disgusting and processed garbage! Kuwata-kun gave me these only minutes before, but I cannot imagine why."

Mondo could. He recalled bumping into Leon and Sayaka on the way back to Hope's Peak after dinner. Thankfully, the couple had been the only ones who hadn't swooned over Kiyotaka's fedora that day. Rather, Leon had smirked and snickered upon seeing the dastardly hat. That asshole probably gave the typical betafag Doritos and Mountain Dew to Kiyotaka for a good laugh. He'd pummel the dickhead redhead later.

Suddenly, a shriek of "SODA!!!" echoed in the hallway before a hot pink and neon yellow blur sped past the two. Kiyotaka looked down and saw that the bottle of Mountain Dew had disappeared.

"Ishimaru-kun!" Kiyotaka turned around and saw Sonia Nevermind gracefully jogging towards him. She stopped before the hall monitor and clapped her hands together. 

"My deepest apologies! Souda just adores pop. He couldn't resist taking what was yours! I am sorry!"

Kiyotaka bowed down to the SHSL princess. "It is completely fine!" he bellowed, "I did not want it anyway! In fact, thank him for taking it away from me!"

"Oh?" Sonia sighed, relieved. "Then, is it possible that you do not want those chips, either? I wish to research the Japanese versions of North American snacks!"

"Engaging yourself in foreign cultures? That is most exciting and honourable, princess! Please, take it!" Kiyotaka thrust out the bag of Doritos to her.

"I am hella grateful! Have a great day!" said Sonia. Her high heels clicked as she left to catch up with her mechanic friend.

Kiyotaka tipped his fedora at her retreating figure, causing Mondo to shudder. He then mused, "Well, that was convenient." 

"Yeah." Mondo then retorted, "But seriously, you're wearing that fedora with your school uniform?"

The disciplinary committee member shot back, "But of course! Students should always wear their uniform regardless of whether there is school or not! I am wearing the fedora in addition as there is no dress code on weekends, so I am not violating any rules. Anyway, kyoudai, you have been insulting this hat ever since I started wearing it, and I fail to understand why. Everybody else has absolutely no oppositions to it!"

As if to prove his point, students suddenly crowded the hallway the duo was in. Fukawa Touko looked at Kiyotaka and furiously reddened, averting her eyes and mumbling something about Byakuya-sama. Fujisaki Chihiro was sure to cheer Kiyotaka on about his hat. Nidai Nekomaru and Owari Akane complimented Kiyotaka buoyantly and loudly. Naegi Makoto complimented his hat not as buoyantly and loudly. Tsumiki Mikan had a similar reaction to Fukawa Touko, only more scared-looking, squeakier, and no mentions of Togami Byakuya. Yamada Hifumi requested to use "handsome Master Ishimaru Kiyotaka" as a model for his next doujin. Even Ikusaba Mukuro, the SHSL Mercenary, gave a slight nod of approval at the fedora. When Komaeda Nagito came within eyesight, Mondo blocked Kiyotaka from view in fear of what the older luckster might do.

Mondo knew that Kiyotaka's pride had been flattered, which meant that there was no stopping him now.

*Day 3 of Kiyotaka's fedora phase*

It was Sunday, and for some reason, Mondo had a vigorous study session planned with his kyoudai. Upon opening his dorm door and seeing Kiyotaka in the doorway, he yelped. There were stubbles of hair growing along the disciplinary committee member's neck.

"K-Kyoudai..." Mondo muttered, "Are ya growing..." He swallowed out of nervousness, "...A neckbeard?"

Kiyotaka's facial expression transitioned to one of surprise. "Is there hair on my neck?" He ran his fingers along his throat and cried out in dismay.

"I must have neglected my personal hygiene once I focused more on my fashion and outward appearance! This fedora is both a blessing and a curse to me!" wailed Kiyotaka.

 _Actually, it's 0% blessing and 100% curse._ Mondo bit his lip to keep this comeback from escaping his mouth.

"I must shave straightaway!" Kiyotaka proclaimed, "I cannot believe I let hair grow on my  **neck** of all places! What am I becoming?!"

As he continued rambling, Mondo shut his eyes in resignation. The fedora was transforming Kiyotaka. Soon, his beloved moral compass would turn into a socially inept beta male, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

*Day 4 of Kiyotaka's fedora phase*

After school on Monday, Kiyotaka realized he was facing a shortage of workbooks and other resources. He had persuaded Mondo to come along with him, and the two of them were currently on the way to the library (to Kiyotaka's despair, the library in their school did not have the required books.)

Kiyotaka was again bombarded with looks of want and compliments geared towards his fedora during the trip. Mondo didn't even bother anymore. At this point, he was even a little jealous at how much attention and affection Kiyotaka was receiving due to the freaking hat. The biker gang leader wanted to be liked, too! He wondered if he could pull the same tactic as Kiyotaka had: rocking a fedora out of the blue. But that idea was annihilated completely when Mondo pictured himself, a 187 cm (6'1.5") bulky gang leader, with a tiny white and pink fedora daintily resting on the tip of his pompadour. 

After a 5 minute trek, the pair entered the Tokyo Public Library. Looking for a place to sit as Kiyotaka searched for the books he wanted, Mondo saw two empty chairs at a table nearby. As he approached the seats, he saw familiar faces occupying half of the table: a redhead with a camera and a blonde chick wearing a kimono. They were his 2nd year upperclassmen, Koizumi Mahiru and Saionji Hiyoko. The only reason he acknowledged them in the first place was because he had a very memorable lecture from the photographer about "being a man" once. The latter was famous for having a growth spurt and shooting up 35 cm (1'2") in the middle of the year. The traditional dancer had been remodeled from a girl who looked like she was six years old to a busty and womanly girl the same height as Mahiru. 

Mondo lowered himself into the chair opposite of Mahiru. Kiyotaka tried to sit down, but his fedora fell off his head and fluttered onto the ground.

Hiyoko, being the closest, reluctantly bent over and retrieved the hat for Kiyotaka. He smiled at her and put the fedora on.

"Thank you, m'lady!" Kiyotaka tipped his fedora.

Uncharacteristically, Hiyoko was stunned into silence. The blonde did nothing but gape at Kiyotaka, her eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets, her jaw agape.

Mahiru blinked once, eyes as big as her camera lens as she made eye contact with Hiyoko. Then, she squinted her eyes at the offending party, Kiyotaka, her lips tightening into a thin and straight line. Mondo shot out of his seat and raced a safe distance away. He had seen those gestures before. Mahiru put her hands on her hips condescendingly. He had  _definitely_ seen this before. It was social justice warrior lecture time. He covered his ears with his hands. It was futile to try to save Kiyotaka now.

"Oh. My. God," Mahiru roared, "Are you one of those cissexual actual pieces of human trash that wear fedoras and objectify women? You're one of those 'nice guys' who sexualize the object of their sick and perverted desires and expect her to cater to their every sexual fantasy,  _aren't you?_ Ishimaru Kiyotaka, I cannot believe that you, the Super High School Level disciplinary committee member, of ALL people, would be a no-good, pathetic little douche who constantly degrades women, grows disgusting neckbeards, only absorbs junk food for supplement, and tips your abhorrent fedora like you own the goddamn place! I hope you rot in hell for what you did to Hiyoko! I thought you were supposed to be a man! Ugh!" She huffed and puffed, then stomped out of the library as a librarian with dark green hair furiously kicked her out for disrupting the peace and quiet.

Hiyoko flashed her pearly whites in an evil grin. "Ohhhh, man! The stupid sack of shit just got fucking TOLD! Sis was throwing some serious shade, just now, and the pigshit fuckboy deserved it! Wait for me, sis!!" The traditional dancer sprinted towards Mahiru.

Kiyotaka stared at the ground, red eyes widening. His lips trembled, and Mondo inched closer to his crush.

"Um... kyoudai?" Mondo said, "You okay?" 

The waterworks broke free. "K-K-Kyoudai!!" Kiyotaka blubbered, tears and snot streaming down his shaking face.

Mondo didn't quite know what to do, especially with the threat of people seeing and the librarian hearing. Sure, being a biker gang leader, he could pretend to be smooth all he wanted, but in reality, he knew nothing when it came to romance.

Kiyotaka continued, "I-Is it true that this hat has such a bad reputation to it? Is it true that I was degrading Saionji-sempai? Oh, kyoudai! Why didn't you warn me?"

 _Oh, believe me, I tried,_ Mondo thought. But this was no time to be sarcastic, his crush was  _crying_ for fuck's sake. He awkwardly placed his hand on Kiyotaka's head, ruffling the jet black hair gently. The disciplinary committee member didn't try to swat the hand out of his hair, which Mondo took as a good sign. Kiyotaka declared,

"I... I shall stop wearing the fedora, no matter how classy it may look to me." Mondo internally celebrated. "I apologize for making such a fool of myself for the past four days... you must have been humiliated to be seen beside such an indecent and vulgar excuse of a man!" Mondo stopped internally celebrating as his heart sunk to his stomach.

"Kyoudai, no!" Mondo knelt down and gripped Kiyotaka's shoulders. "I wouldn'ta hung out with ya if I didn't want to! Y'know that! Sure, it was weird having my bro wear a fedora, but it didn't matter because I like ya enough to ignore it. So, um, please stop crying... SHIT! I mean... I didn't mean that your cries were a bother, I just... SHIT!" He let go of Kiyotaka and looked away, feeling a hot flush creeping up his neck, cheeks, and ears.

"Kyoudai, it is not necessary to notify me whenever you defecate," Kiyotaka countered.

 "....What...................Wait, was that a fuckin' joke?" Mondo was flabbergasted. Kiyotaka... had a sense of humour?

"Hahaha! I made a joke, kyoudai! Get it?" Kiyotaka grinned, "You said you just s-word, so you just informed me that you pooped? Are you not proud of me for being funny?"

Mondo rolled his eyes and drawled, "Yeah, yeah, good on ya. Now get yer books so we can get goin'."

And so, this marked the end of Kiyotaka's fedora phase, and the continuation of a blooming relationship.

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1) I'm so sorry that I shoehorned an OC into the Dangan Ronpa universe. But in my defence, she was just a waitress, it could have been worse. I could have made her a Mary Sue SHSL Multi-Talent.  
> 2) Speaking of OC, I wasn't going to make the waitress an OC. I tried to make her a canon character. I originally thought Sayaka (as a PT job while she attended Hope's Peak since her idol career was probably on standby while she attended a boarding school) or Aoi (bubbly girl having a job), but I realized that Kiyotaka's classmates probably wouldn't consider him "hot", fedora or not. No other character fit the role of the waitress so I made it an OC.  
> 3) Mondo and Teruteru are not so close that Mondo calls the cook "Teru" out of friendship or affection. It's just a Mondo thing to do to not respect anyone and not call anyone by their full names or accurate endings (-kun, -sempai, etc.)  
> 4) Neckbeards do not grow in 2 days, I am aware. Kiyotaka started focusing more on his fashion ever since he found the fedora in his late grandfather's stuff, which was probably about a week before Mondo pointed out his neck stubbles.  
> 5) Can you tell I completely gave up on writing at the end?  
> 6) This was so stupid I'm so sorry this is my first EVER fanfic but leave kudos and comments anyway please! I hope you liked and enjoyed!


End file.
